Badge of Courage
by LovinFace
Summary: Takes place after Sweet Revenge. Starsky's long recovery process is finally taking a toll on him. Then he meets a very special little boy.


Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just wish I did.

Feedback: I would love to hear from you.

Warning: This story deals wtih childhood cancer. If this subject upsets you, please read no further.

Badge of Courage

By LovinFace

Annie O'Shea watched as the Ken "Hutch" Hutchinson stepped out of the elevator and walked toward his partner, David Starsky's room. Hutch nodded a hello to the redheaded nurse and stopped, registering the look on her face.

"What's up Annie? Is Starsk okay?" he asked anxiously. Since the Gunther shooting, Hutch had not taken a single day for granted.

Annie smiled slightly. "He's okay, Ken. He just had a bad day. Seems his goals and the physical therapist's goals are different. David is pushing himself too hard and well, today he fell."

Hutch inhaled deeply. "Fell? Where was the therapist? How could this happen?" he asked angrily.

Annie reached out and put her hand on Hutch's. "The therapist was on the floor. Seems David thought he could walk without the assistance of his walker and when the therapist reached out to steady him, David tried to push him away and well, they both ended up on the floor."

Hutch pinched the bridge of his nose. "Annie, I'm sorry I raised my voice to you. Are you sure Starsk is okay? And the therapist?" he asked.

"Yes, Ken, they're both fine. David is going to be sore though, so he's been confined to his wheelchair today and possibly tomorrow. We'll have to wait and see." Annie hesitated, then spoke again, "Ken, can I ask a favor of you?"

Hutch smiled at the petite nurse. "Sure, Annie, anything."

"Ken, there's an eight-year-old boy on the pediatric ward. His name is Seth. He goes out to the garden every night at six o'clock. He wants to be a policeman when he grows up, and I thought maybe you could visit with him. It would make his day."

Hutch considered the request. He really wanted to spend time with Starsky, especially after his accident today. He looked at his watch. It was 5:45. _Well, I can spend a few minutes with the boy _he thought. "Sure Annie, I'll go see him. You say he goes down to the garden?"

Annie smiled brightly. "Yes. You can't miss him. He always has a red balloon tied to the back of his wheelchair. Oh, Ken, he's going to be so happy. Thank you so much!"

Hutch returned her smile. "You're welcome. I'm going to check on Starsk and then I'll go down to see Seth. I'll see you later."

Hutch turned from the nurses' desk and headed to his partner's room. He tapped softly on the door and entered the room without waiting for an invitation. Starsky was sitting in his wheelchair, staring out the window.

Hutch cleared his throat. "Hey, Buddy, how are you today?"

Starsky stared out the window, giving no indication of hearing his partner.

Hutch tried again. "Starsky, how's it going?" Hutch pulled up a chair next to his partner, then sat down and looked out the window.

Starsky still remained silent.

"Starsk, I asked—"

"I know what you asked, Hutch. I'm not deaf." Starsky replied sharply. "I'm fine. That's what you want to hear right? I'm fine. I can't walk six feet on my own two feet or stand in a shower, but I'm fine. Okay?"

Hutch was silenced by the outburst. He had known it was inevitable, that eventually Starsky would become depressed because of the long road to recovery. It was natural and to be expected. But he still couldn't help be taken aback by his partner's words.

Hutch reached into his pocket, pulling out an item and handing it to Starsky, who took it hesitantly. He opened the case and found himself looking at his badge. Starsky tried to hand it back to Hutch. "Here, take it. I won't be needing it anymore," he said dejectedly.

Hutch stood from the chair but remained facing Starsky. "Yes you will. I want you to hold onto that badge. I want you to remember that you're fighting to recover not only for yourself, but for me, the department, and all the people in Bay City that need you, partner."

Starsky stuffed the badge into the pocket of his robe. "Whatever. Look, I'm tired. Why don't you knock off early? I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Hutch refused to be dismissed. "No. We're going down to the garden for a few minutes."

"I don't want to go to the garden, Hutch. I'm tired. I just want to go to bed." Starsky turned to his partner, the patented pout plastered on his face. Luckily, Hutch had grown immune to it…sometimes anyway.

Hutch grasped the handles of the wheelchair. "Nope, you're going with me. No arguments. Then I'll bring you back to your room and you can go to bed or do whatever. I think the fresh air will do you good."

Starsky sighed. "Whatever. Let's just get this over with."

XXXXXX

Hutch pushed the wheelchair down the pathway to the little pond behind the hospital. A gentle breeze pushed its way through the trees, making a rustling sound. Hutch had no trouble spotting Seth. There he sat, a little boy wearing blue pajamas, a red robe, and red baseball cap. A red balloon was tied to the back of the wheelchair, bobbing up and down in the wind. He watched a nurse hand the boy a bag. Seth dug into the bag and produced a handful of breadcrumbs and threw them out to the pond. Six or seven ducks began to vie for the crumbs at the delight of the boy whose laughter could be heard throughout the garden.

Hutch wheeled Starsky up next to Seth, then walked around to the bench situated on the other side of his wheelchair.

Hutch reached into his back pocket and pulled out his badge then flashed it in front of the boy. "Excuse me, sir, my name is Detective Hutchinson. I understand that you're interested in joining the police force."

Seth's brown eyes widened. "Yes sir." He dropped the bag of breadcrumbs onto his lap. "Wow, are you really a detective?"

"Yes I am." Hutch pointed to his partner. "So is he."

Seth turned to look at Starsky. Starsky gave the boy a ghost of a smile but made no attempt to engage in conversation. Seth turned back to Hutch. "I want to be a policeman. Do you wear a uniform? Where's your gun? Can I look at it? Can I come visit you at the station? Do you drive a squad car?"

Hutch took in the rapid-fire questions from the frail child. "Whoa, slow down and let me catch up. Let's see. No, I don't wear a uniform. My partner and I – oh, he's Detective David Starsky by the way – we work in a Zebra unit. We wear street clothes. I have my gun in a shoulder holster, see?" Hutch opened his jacket and gave the boy a glimpse of the Magnum holstered there, then continued. "Yes, you can visit us at the station. And no, we don't drive a squad car. My partner there has a red and white Torino. It's in the shop right now, but as soon as it's fixed we'll be riding in that. Did I cover everything?"

Seth put his index finger on his chin as he thought. "Yeah. A red and white Torino? That sounds so cool. My favorite color is red." He turned back to Starsky. "Is your favorite color red too? Will you take me for a ride in your car? Can I turn on the siren?"

Starsky slowly looked up into the eager face of the boy. "Yeah, sure kid. Whatever you want." He backed up in his wheelchair. "I'm tired. I'm going back to my room. I'll see you tomorrow Hutch. Nice to meet you kid," he said half-heartedly.

Hutch watched as his partner wheeled himself away back to the hospital and sighed. Seth reached out and tugged on the sleeve of his jacket. "What happened to him? He seems sad."

Hutch sighed. "He is sad. He was shot by a bad man. The bad man is in jail now, but Starsky is sad because he's going to be here a long time getting better and he misses being on the street. He'll be okay though, don't you worry."

"Is he the cop that died and then came back?" Seth asked.

"Yes, he is," said Hutch, the words immediately sending a shiver through him. He still hadn't reconciled himself to the fact that Starsky had been clinically dead. "How did you know?"

Seth shrugged. "Oh, I heard some nurses talking about it. You think he'll come visit me again?"

Hutch stood from the bench. "I don't know, Seth, but I will. I come to the hospital every day to see Starsk, so now I'll have two people to visit. Look, I better go check on him. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Seth smiled. "Okay, Detective."

Hutch returned the smile. "You can call me Hutch."

"Wow, thanks Hutch. I'll see you tomorrow."

Hutch turned from the boy and went back to the hospital. He caught up to Starsky at the elevator. "Nice of you to chat with the kid the way you did, Starsk."

Starsky looked over his shoulder, glaring up at his partner. "Fuck you."

The elevator door opened and Hutch pushed Starsky inside. They rode to the third floor in silence.

XXXXXXX

The next day, Hutch was due to testify on a couple of cases. The trials ran long and he knew he wouldn't be able to make it to the hospital by six o'clock. He had really hoped to see his partner tonight, especially after last night's disastrous results. Hutch dug into his pocket for a dime and then deposited it into the payphone.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey Starsk, it's me."

"_Yeah."_

_Okay. So we've resorted to one-word conversations_ thought Hutch. "Court is running late, and I've got to go back to the station when I'm through here. I may not make it over there tonight."

"_Okay."_

"I was wondering if you'd do me a favor."

Silence.

"Starsk, I told Seth I'd see him tonight at the garden. Would you go down there and see him? Tell him I'm sorry and I'll try to make it tomorrow night."

Silence.

"Starsk, did you hear me?"

"_Yeah. Okay."_

"Thanks Buddy. I'll try to stop by if I can at all, but it will be late."

"_Don't bother."_

Hutch heard a click and then the dial tone.

XXXXXXX

Starsky wheeled himself out to the garden at 6:15. He spotted Seth in the same spot he had been yesterday.

Seth beamed as the detective wheeled up beside him. "Hi Detective."

"Hey kid." Starsky made no eye contact with Seth, choosing to stare at the pond instead.

Seth tossed out some breadcrumbs and watched as two ducks played tug of war with some crust. He noticed that Starsky smiled faintly at the sight, and offered the bag of crumbs to him. "You wanna feed 'em?"

Starsky took the bag from Seth and tossed a few crumbs onto the pond, then returned the bag to the boy. "Thanks."

Seth placed the bag on his lap and leaned toward Starsky. "Can I ask you a question?"

Starsky turned to face the child, noticing for the first time the gaunt features on the pale face and the ill-fitting red baseball cap on his head. "Sure, Kid. What do you want to know?"

"What's it like to die?"

Starsky inhaled a breath of air sharply, then released it slowly. He had been prepared to answer questions about the police force or his car, nothing like this.

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"What's it like to die? I mean, does it hurt? Were you scared?" Seth implored.

Starsky sat silent for a moment. "I don't remember a lot about it actually. I was in a coma when it happened. I just remember flashes of light and glimpses of faces." He closed his eyes and continued. "People I loved who have gone on before me. It was really peaceful. Not scary at all." His mind wandered off to that day weeks ago. He remembered Terry's face. His father's face. Had he really seen them or was it just a dream?

"Oh," Seth said. "I was just wondering."

Seth tossed out some more breadcrumbs to the ducks. "Do you have a badge like your partner?"

Glad for the change of subject, Starsky smiled and reached into his robe pocket, pulling out the badge Hutch had given him just yesterday. "Yeah. Here, you wanna hold it?"

Seth flashed a smile. "Yeah!" He took the badge and traced its outline with thin fingers. "This is cool." He continued to trace it, then offered it back to Starsky.

"You can hold onto it if you want. I won't be needing it." Starsky stated matter-of-factly.

Seth looked down at the badge, then up to Starsky. "Hutch said you're going to be here a long time until you get better. Then you're going to be back on the streets with him again. Is that true?"

Starsky gave a ghost of a smile. "That's what he believes."

"But you don't?"

"No, kid, I don't. But that doesn't matter. Look, you hold onto the badge. Hutch said he'd come by and see you tomorrow, okay? I'm getting tired. I'm going back in now." Starsky backed his wheelchair away from Seth's.

Seth watched over his shoulder as the detective wheeled himself to the hospital, then he returned to feeding the ducks.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Hutch arrived at the hospital early. Annie waved to him from the nurse's desk. "Hey Ken. David's not in his room right now. He's in a therapy session. He won't be back for another 30 minutes or so."

Hutch walked over to the desk. "Well, maybe I'll check in on Seth. He's a great kid. What room is he in?"

"Room 416," Annie replied. "Uh, Ken, I never did tell you Seth's story, did I?"

Hutch shook his head. "No, you didn't. Why?"

Annie absently brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well, it's just…Seth has bone cancer and it isn't responding to treatment." A single tear slid down her face.

Hutch pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh my God. He's just a kid."

"Yeah," Annie said, "His mom is a friend of mine. She works here in the hospital. She's with him as much as she can be. She told me how nice you and David were to Seth and said I could fill you in on his condition."

"Does he know?"

"Yeah. He just took it in stride, you know? He has to be scared, but he's not showing it. I think he's trying to protect his mom, you know?" Annie wiped away another tear that had managed to escape.

"Yeah. Look, I'll go see him okay? If I'm not back when Starsky gets through with his therapy, you tell him where I am, okay?" Hutch lifted Annie's face toward his own. "You okay?"

Annie smiled. "Yeah. Go on now. Room 416."

XXXXXXXX

Hutch stepped off the elevator in the pediatric wing and was amazed by the brightly colored murals on the walls….rainbows, green grass, trees, birds…all painted by children.

He found room 416. The door was ajar and Hutch tapped it lightly while walking in.

Seth was lying in bed. He had no cap on, and Hutch saw for the first time that the boy had lost his hair. His wheelchair, complete with red balloon, was parked in the corner of the room. Seth's face brightened when he saw his visitor.

"Hutch! Hey, what are you doing here? Is the car ready? Are you going to take me for a ride now?" Seth asked excitedly.

"Whoa, partner, slow down. No, the car's not ready yet, but I'll let you in on a secret. I'm supposed to pick it up tomorrow. I'll take you for a ride tomorrow, deal?"

"Deal." Seth grinned. "So, what are you doing here? Where's Detective Starsky?"

Hutch pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed. "He's in a therapy session right now. He'll be finished soon. Since I was here early, I thought I'd come by and check on you."

"Cool." Seth reached over to his nightstand and retrieved Starsky's badge. "Look what Starsky gave me. Said he didn't need it anymore."

Hutch took the badge from Seth and held it, trying to bury the anger he was feeling toward his partner for giving up. "Yeah, well, he just doesn't need it right now. He'll need it later though."

"Yeah. He said you believed that, but he didn't."

Hutch just smiled. _That does it, partner We're going to have a talk tonight _he thought angrily. But now was not the time to be angry. He had to be positive for the boy.

"Well, he will eventually. He's just had a rough couple of days."

"I showed his badge to my mom. She says that it's a badge of courage. That people who carry badges like policemen and firemen are very brave."

"Well, that was nice of her to say. So, are you going to the pond tonight? Maybe Starsky and I can join you there."

Seth sighed. "No, not tonight. I gotta stay in my room. Maybe tomorrow though."

Hutch stood from the chair and handed Starsky's badge back to Seth. "You hang onto this. I'm going to go downstairs and check on Starsky, but I'll be back to see you tomorrow, okay? You get some rest so we can go for a drive tomorrow. And don't tell Starsky about his car, okay?"

Seth took the badge from Hutch. "I promise I won't say a word."

XXXXXXXXX

Hutch waited for Starsky to return to his room. He knew that the emotions his partner was going through were completely normal. Yet after visiting with Seth, he just wanted to shake some sense into Starsky. If he wants to be depressed, fine, but leave the kid out of it.

Starsky entered his room slowly, using the walker to keep his balance.

He grimaced as he slid into bed. "What are you doing here?"

Hutch put the walker next to the wall. "What do you mean, what am I doing here? I come here every single day to check on you. You know that."

Starsky glared at Hutch, but said nothing.

Hutch could no longer contain his anger. "Look, Starsk, I know what you're going through isn't easy. I know that—"

"You don't know shit, Hutchinson!" Starsky yelled, propping himself up on his elbows. "You don't know what it's like to be in pain every waking moment, but not taking anything for it because then your mind is so clouded over you can't think straight. You don't know what it's like to have a man twice your size work with muscles you didn't even know you had. You don't know what it's like to have three bullets rip right through you, not only destroying your body but your life as well!"

Exhausted by the outburst, Starsky fell back onto the pillows of his bed. His face was covered in sweat and his hands were shaking.

Hutch went into the bathroom to wet a washcloth, then walked over to his partner and wiped the sweat from his brow. "You finished?"

Starsky's cobalt blue eyes bore into Hutch's pale blue ones. They held the glare, neither man wanting to give in. Hutch continued. "Starsky, you're right. I don't know what it's like. I don't have a clue what you're going through. What I do know is that there is an eight-year-old boy upstairs who is going to die. He knows it. He's accepted it. And you know what he talks about? Not dying. Not the things he can't do. He just wants to talk about being a cop and riding in that tomato of yours! He clings to that badge that you would so quickly throw away. Says it's a badge of courage, that people who carry it are brave. Well, maybe it's a good thing you gave it to him because he's a lot braver than you are!"

"Seth? Seth's going to die?" Starsky asked hesitantly. He felt ashamed. Here he had been feeling sorry for himself, focused on all the things he couldn't do, and this child, this innocent boy, was going to die.

"Yeah. Cancer."

"So that's why he asked me what it was like to die. He asked me if it hurt and if I was scared." Starsky revealed.

Hutch drywashed his face with his hands. "Wow, that had to be a hard one to answer."

Starsky smiled weakly. "Yeah, it was. I thought it was just because he had heard about what happened. I didn't know that he was…God, he's just a kid."

"Yeah, that's what I said when Annie told me."

Starsky reached out his hand toward Hutch. "Help me up."

"Starsk, you're exhausted. What do you need? Let me get it for you."

Starsky grasped the handrail of the bed and began to pull himself up. "I want to go see Seth. I need to apologize to him. And to you."

Hutch pushed Starsky back onto the bed. "You don't have anything to apologize for. Just don't give up, okay? Now, go to sleep and tomorrow if you're a good boy I'll bring you a surprise." He said teasingly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Hutch walked toward the door and turned off the light to Starsky's room. It wasn't even seven o'clock, but his partner was already being pulled into sleep.

"Good night, Starsk."

The only reply he got was the soft snoring of his partner.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning, Hutch, with help from Captain Dobey and Annie, were busy making arrangements for their special day. By the afternoon, everything was in place and Hutch went to the hospital excitedly.

He stopped by Starsky's room first, bursting through the door. "C'mon Buddy, we've got places to go, people to see!"

"But I'm not through—" Starsky exclaimed, before being quieted by his partner.

Hutch put his finger to his mouth. "Shhh. Just shut up and come on." He wheeled Starsky's wheelchair up to the bed and helped him get in it. "I'll be right back." He walked briskly from the room and returned seconds later with a red balloon, tying it on the back of the wheelchair. "Now you're ready. Let's go."

Starsky beamed. "I'm ready!"

They exited the elevator on the fourth floor and went directly to room 416. Seth and a woman the detectives assumed to be his mother were playing a game of checkers. Seth's face lit up when he saw Starsky and Hutch. "Hey! You've got a balloon like me!" he exclaimed.

Starsky smiled. "Well, you know, red's my favorite color too."

The woman approached the men. "My name is Victoria Wallace. I'm Seth's mom. I understand you've got some plans for my son."

Hutch reached out and shook Victoria's hand. "Yes ma'am. I know Annie has filled you in. Is it okay to proceed?"

Victoria smiled at the detectives. "Yes. I'd say it's time to get this show on the road." She helped Seth into his wheelchair and handed him his red cap. "Let's go."

Victoria and Hutch pushed the wheelchairs side by side. Starsky leaned over to Seth, "Do you have any idea what's going on?"

Seth shook his head. "It's a secret."

"Terrific." Starsky muttered, though truth be told he loved the suspense.

The group made it to the first floor of the hospital. Victoria and Hutch wheeled their patients into a private waiting room. Red and white balloons were displayed. Annie and other friends were standing to the side. Captain Dobey watched as the group approached.

"Ladies and Gentleman, I would like to thank you all for coming here this afternoon. As you know, we are here to honor the newest member of the Bay City Police Department. Seth Wallace." Dobey turned from the group and retrieved a large manila envelope from the table behind him. He opened the envelope and pulled out a diploma. "This is an honorary diploma from the Bay City Police Academy, stating that Seth Wallace is now officially an officer of the Bay City Police Department." Dobey handed the diploma to Seth, then offered him a handshake. "Welcome to the department, Son."

Seth's face glowed as he looked at the diploma. Victoria wiped away a tear from her eye, as did others in the crowd.

"Thank you, Sir," said Seth.

Dobey stepped back and offered Seth a salute, which Seth returned in kind.

"Dismissed," declared Dobey.

Hutch walked around to face Seth and Starsky. "We're not finished yet. There's one more part of the surprise."

Seth winked at Hutch, his excitement growing. Hutch and Victoria pushed the wheelchairs out the main entrance. There, parked in a reserved spot, was the Torino, completely restored.

Starsky's jaw dropped and he stared at his car, completely at a loss for words. Hutch pushed his mouth closed. "C'mon partner, let's go for a ride."

Starsky continued to stare at the car, then finally looked up to his partner. "Hutch. My car. When did you…how did you… Can we really ride in her?"

"Yep. I've been granted permission to take you and Officer Wallace here on a ride."

Starsky pushed himself out of the wheelchair and walked carefully to the car. He ran his hands along the hood.

Hutch opened the passenger door. "Okay, I'm driving. Starsky, let's get you situated in the back. Officer Wallace, we'll put you in the front. Since I'm driving, you'll have to work the siren."

Seth grinned at both detectives. "All right! This is SO cool!"

After Starsky and Seth were settled in the car, Hutch drove away from the hospital, siren blaring, with two ecstatic passengers.

XXXXXXXXX

Starsky was released from the hospital three weeks later. He and Hutch went to visit Seth as often as they could, though the boy's condition had begun to worsen. Victoria had called them early on a Sunday morning, asking if they would come to the hospital and say their good-byes, that the doctors didn't expect Seth to make it through the day.

Starsky and Hutch entered the room quietly. Seth was lying in bed with his eyes closed. A lone red balloon swayed back and forth in the corner. His honorary diploma had been hung on the wall for all to see. Starsky stood against the wall by the door as Hutch approached the small form in the bed. He picked up Seth's hand and placed it in his own.

Seth opened his eyes slowly. "Hi Hutch."

"Hey Seth. Or should I say Officer Wallace?"

Seth smiled. "I wanted to thank you for being my friend. And for making my dream come true. I always wanted to be a cop, you know?"

Hutch returned the smile. "Yeah, I know." He didn't really know what to say. How do you say good-bye forever to a child?

Seth seemed to be searching for someone in the room. "Is Starsky here?"

Starsky walked up beside Hutch. "I'm here Seth."

Seth looked at both detectives. "Don't be sad, okay? We'll see each other again. I promise."

Seth slowly reached behind his pillow and produced Starsky's badge. "You can have this back."

Starsky fought back the tears threatening to erupt. "No, you keep it. If anyone deserves a badge of courage, it's you."

Seth closed his eyes for a moment, collecting his strength. He slowly lifted his hand, putting it to his brow, offering a weak salute.

Starsky and Hutch each stepped back and snapped to attention before saluting their friend.

Seth smiled weakly and whispered, "Dismissed," before drifting off to sleep.

XXXXXXXX

The next week Starsky received a package in the mail. Noting the return address, he opened the box slowly, knowing the contents inside. He pulled out a note first.

"_Starsky,_

_Seth really wanted you to have your badge back. He said you were the bravest person he knew, and that you would need your badge when you went back to work. Since red is your favorite color, he wanted you to have the rest of his balloons. He also wanted me to tell you that you were right and he wasn't scared. _

_Thanks for all you and Hutch did for Seth. You were both truly a blessing in his life. I'll never forget you._

_Victoria"_

Starsky put the note aside. His badge was in the box, cushioned by a dozen unused red balloons. A badge of courage. Not his own, but a little boy's. A little boy who taught him about strength and love and to celebrate life. Starsky picked up the badge, walked over to the phone, and dialed Hutch's number.

"Hutch, it's me. Whatta ya say we go to the pond tonight, maybe feed the ducks?"

The End

_Author's note: My youngest daughter asked me to write a story in memory of her little brother, who truly did love red balloons and Starsky's Torino. _


End file.
